Folks, last week I announced a
Do What it Takes initiative to cut out foods that I know aren't good for me. I acted decisively to ban salty snacks and sweets, as well as appetizers at restaurants. And this week I'm going farther, adding fried foods and bread baskets to the list.
But I need to take responsibility for a slanderous mistake: associating pizza with those unhealthy foods. Just days after I vilified that hand-held vessel of cheesy goodness,
pizza became a vegetable. No less of a health authority than the United States House of Representatives voted 298-121 to count two tablespoons of tomato paste on pizza as a serving of vegetables in school lunches.
I admit I did no research before banning pizza. Clearly you expect more of this blog and I let you down. The embarrassment has shaken me to the core. Not only did I think pizza was unhealthy food, I thought tomatoes were a fruit.
My careless actions have no doubt offended Italians and Vegans everywhere, which I deeply regret. And finally, I apologize to the pizza industry, who had to spend $5 million of their hard earned tomato paste money to convince non-believers like me in Congress that pizza is, indeed, a vegetable. I hope you can forgive me.
6 comments:
Very clever. It's hard to stay ahead of those guys in Congress. :) You're forgiven.
Is this all they have to do? They were a part of the baseball/steroids thing and now pizza as vegetable? I cannot express how disgusted I am with what passes for governance. Couldn't this have been tacked onto the health care bill along with tampons as medical devices? OK - I'll quit - TMI.
Be careful eating that slice of pizza with that tongue in your cheek! :)
I am with you, Alan. I am planning to grow pizzas in my garden, I even know which varieties. Can't wait for the spring for pizza planting.
Love language when it is used deliciously with tongue in cheek!
Well written, my friend! I can't believe that pizza is a vegetable now, either. Yikes.
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