Sunday, November 20, 2011

An Apology to Pizza

Folks, last week I announced a Do What it Takes initiative to cut out foods that I know aren't good for me. I acted decisively to ban salty snacks and sweets, as well as appetizers at restaurants. And this week I'm going farther, adding fried foods and bread baskets to the list.

Pepperoni, cheese, and vegetables (photo credit)
But I need to take responsibility for a slanderous mistake: associating pizza with those unhealthy foods. Just days after I vilified that hand-held vessel of cheesy goodness, pizza became a vegetable. No less of a health authority than the United States House of Representatives voted 298-121 to count two tablespoons of tomato paste on pizza as a serving of vegetables in school lunches.

I admit I did no research before banning pizza. Clearly you expect more of this blog and I let you down. The embarrassment has shaken me to the core. Not only did I think pizza was unhealthy food, I thought tomatoes were a fruit.

My careless actions have no doubt offended Italians and Vegans everywhere, which I deeply regret. And finally, I apologize to the pizza industry, who had to spend $5 million of their hard earned tomato paste money to convince non-believers like me in Congress that pizza is, indeed, a vegetable. I hope you can forgive me.


Caron said...

Very clever. It's hard to stay ahead of those guys in Congress. :) You're forgiven.

downsizers said...

Is this all they have to do? They were a part of the baseball/steroids thing and now pizza as vegetable? I cannot express how disgusted I am with what passes for governance. Couldn't this have been tacked onto the health care bill along with tampons as medical devices? OK - I'll quit - TMI.

Bruce said...

Be careful eating that slice of pizza with that tongue in your cheek! :)

Ewa said...

I am with you, Alan. I am planning to grow pizzas in my garden, I even know which varieties. Can't wait for the spring for pizza planting.

Michele said...

Love language when it is used deliciously with tongue in cheek!

Christina @ Just Running said...

Well written, my friend! I can't believe that pizza is a vegetable now, either. Yikes.