Tortilla Chips are On Notice

Fans of the Colbert Report know that Stephen occasionally will put something "on notice." It's an alpha move, designed to reframe a situation and show somebody or something who's boss. I'm starting an "On Notice" board on the right hand side of the blog, starting with...

Tortilla Chips

That's right. Those salty triangles, strips, and rounds that come in white, yellow, and all manner of unnatural colors. Those freebies that sit on your table at a Mexican restaurant, taunting you to start snacking before your meal and daring you to dip them into something on your plate when you meal comes. Tortilla chips are on notice because they are so high calorie, and so damn yummy addictive.

Last night, I was watching TV after my wife went upstairs. I was craving a salty snack and grabbed a bag of tortilla chips. Not a bag, but the huge bag of tortilla chips from Costco that has enough calories to feed half of Tacoma for a week. I parked it next to the couch and ate them like it was the P90X tortilla chip curl workout. Seriously, I can eat tortilla chips like my sons play video games, with a complete lack of awareness for time and other physical dimensions (such as my waistline).

The worst thing about tortilla chips is their addictive nature. For me, it's the salt. The Kirkland brand chips are braised with salt. Seriously, I should have just licked a block of salt for 45 minutes - it would have tasted the same, but had fewer calories.

And guess what the origins of tortillas are? A traditional Mexican treat, passed down through the generations from mothers to daughters? Guess again...

Tortillas are from Los Angeles, where in 1940 Rebecca Webb Carranza took leftover scraps of tortilla dough from a tortilla factory, cut them into triangles, fried them, and sold them for ten cents a bag. That's right, tortilla chips were invented in the United States of America! While much of the world lives on rice and beans, leave it to Americans to eschew cultural staples for a fried caricature of the cuisine.

For these reasons, and the fact that I just cannot stop eating them, by the power invested in me because I have a blog and you don't - well actually, you probably do, but whatever - I now hereby put tortilla chips ON NOTICE!